Travel Humor

Here are some signs and notices written in English 
that were discovered throughout the world. 
Submitted by : Dany Wildner  
Appended, courtsey: Supinder Singh Thakkar

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person 
to do such thing is please not to read notis. 
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: 
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we 
regret that you will be unbearable. 
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. 
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin 
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing 
floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. 
In a Paris hotel elevator: 
Please leave your values at the front desk. 
In a hotel in Athens: 
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 
9 and 11 A.M. daily. 
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the 
chambermaid. 
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous 
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily 
except Thursday. 
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: 
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots 
of ascension. 
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: 
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. 
On the menu of a Polish hotel: 
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings 
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten 
up in the country people's fashion. 
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs. 
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: 
Drop your trousers here for best results. 
Outside a Paris dress shop: 
Dresses for street walking. 
In a Rhodes tailor shop: 
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute 
customers in strict rotation. 
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: 
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that 
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together 
in one tent unless they are married with each other for that 
purpose. 
In a Zurich hotel: 
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite 
sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this 
purpose. 
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: 
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. 
In a Rome laundry: 
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a 
good time. 
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: 
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no 
miscarriages. 
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: 
Would you like to ride on your own ass? 
In a Swiss mountain inn: 
Special today -- no ice cream. 
In a Bangkok temple: 
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a 
man. 
In a Tokyo bar: 
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. 
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: 
We take your bags and send them in all directions. 
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: 
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. 
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: 
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. 
In a Budapest zoo: 
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give 
it to the guard n duty. 
In the office of a Roman doctor: 
Specialist in women and other diseases. 
In an Acapulco hotel: 
The manager has personally passed all the water served here. 
In a Tokyo shop: 
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. 
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. 
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: 
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously 
at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. 
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking. - Here speeching American. 


A tourist telephoned a beach resort to ask where it was....
"It is only a stone's throw away from the beach", the manager told him.
"But how will I recognize it?" asked the tourist.
"It's the one with all the broken windows."

Visitors to this page, are welcome to send in their humors and 
experiences to be added here. E-mail your entries here : info@indiatour.com

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Last updated: August 18, 2004